I decided to share my “Path Mindset”. The “Path Mindset” is partially based on Abraham Maslow’s (1954) theory on Self-Actualization. Maslow studies were conducted about the most successful people in the world from past to present and his theory is still widely used by many successful people today. Here is my adaptation aptly named “Path Mindset”:

1. BE WILLING TO CHANGE – Begin with asking yourself “Am I living in a way that is deeply satisfying to me and which truly expresses me?” If not, be prepared to make changes in your life to match your identity. Ask yourself this question often and accept the need for continual change because as we progress through life we grow and change naturally. It is up to you the direction you wish to head.

2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY – You can become an architect of yourself by acting as if you are personally responsible for every aspect of your life. Shouldering responsibility in this way helps end the habit of blaming others for your own shortcomings. This is not an easy thing to do but it will help you be more fulfilled for your successes.

3. EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVES – Self-discovery involves an element of risk. if most of your behavior is led by a want to play it safe or secure, it may be time to test the limits of your needs and desires. Try to make each decision a choice for growth not a selection controlled by fear, or anxiety.

4. EXPERIENCE DIRECTLY & HONESTLY – Wishful thinking is another barrier of success. You must experience your own trials and tribulations otherwise you can block your growth. Self Actualizers trust in themselves enough to except all kinds of information without distorting it to fit their fears and desires. Try to see yourself as others do. Be willing to admin “I was wrong” or “I failed because of me”. Make sure you do not quit but rather learn from the experience.

5. USE YOUR POSITIVE EXPERIENCES – Successful experiences are temporary moments of self-actualization. Therefore, you might actively repeat actvities that you are good at…ones that cause awe, amazement, exaltation, renewal, humility, reverence, fulfillment, and happiness. This will allow you to get into state easier and will make you enjoy the process of your task.

6. BE PREPARED TO BE DIFFERENT – I feel that everyone has a potential for “greatness” but most fear becoming what they might. As part of personal growth, be willing to trust you impulses and feelings; don’t automatically judge yourself by the standards of others. Accept you uniqueness and love that you are different from anyone else on this planet.

7. GET INVOLVED – I found with few exceptions that self-actualizers tend to have a path in life. For these people, “work” is not done just for your own basic needs but rather to satisfy higher yearnings for truth, beauty, love, brotherhood, and meaning. Make it a goal to personally get involved and committed. Turn your attention to problems outside yourself. This will help your social circle grow, and make you a better person.

8. ASSESS YOUR PROGRESS – Since there is no final point at which we become perfect, it is important to gauge your own progress frequently and renew your efforts consecutively. If you become or feel bored in your approaches challenge yourself to greater heights. Otherwise you have not shouldered responsibility for your own growth. Remember that almost ANY activity can become a chance for self-improvement if it is approached in a creative way.

Some of the advice I give in my seminars and personal coaching as a professional dating coach is quite simple.  I try to break it down to the basics.  Why know all of the fluff, when you need to understand the principals?

The funny thing is most people want the fluff.  They want the quick fix:  “What do I say?” “How to I approach someone?”

The fluff quickly floats away and you are back to square one.  Do the hard stuff.

First: approach more people.  See that cute girl waiting in line for a bagel in the morning?  Go and just say hello.  Ask her what she’s getting.  The main issue is that most people hide themselves.  How is she or he going to ever meet you if you don’t put yourself out there?   A simple hello or talking about your surroundings is sometimes all it takes.

Second: Fail more. You may think you know your limits, but in fact most of my clients have no idea what they are capable of.   Fear is nothing more than you approaching a perceived limitation or a boundary of what you think you know.  What you need to do is move one step beyond it.   High-Five a stranger!  Walk up to that cute guy in the bookstore and ask him if he has cats! Slip someone a note in the coffee shop.  Whatever you do, don’t assume you know the outcome.

We have too many automatic thoughts in our head.  See what we really don’t know and experiment with what you think you really know.

Third: Have an awesome life that you love to live. Love is about connecting.  Live you passions. What better way to connect with people than discussing what really moves you?

If you don’t know you passions, start experimenting with everything.  Try Tango.  Try rock climbing.  Try painting.  Try skeet shooting.  Some things may work.  Some may not.  However, in the end you will see much more of whom you are and what you love.

People in general want to be around awesome people.  They want to be around passionate people.  Find your loves in your life and don’t be afraid to find more.  Be willing to express this. How else are you going to connect with someone else?

Be sure to go after what you want.

If you find that person attractive, be willing to tell them that in some form.  Maybe it’s a glance or something verbal.  Go for it!  You might be surprised on the response.  That person might just like you too!   If it doesn’t work out, learn from it.  Failure is a good thing.

How else can you learn?  Seek truth.   That person is out there looking for you too.

~~

James Norton is the founder of the Awesome Institution.  He has been featured on MSNBC, Washington Post Magazine,RTP, This Week, CitySearch, and many other outlets. Professional Pickup’s website is ProfessionalPickup.com and can be found on twitter @NewAwesomeLife.

Give away what you got.

It’s not that complicated, really.

But let’s think for a minute; what do a great number of people do instead?

When someone has a great idea, they hoard that idea.  They don’t give it away.  They shelter and protect it.  They keep it to themselves in fear that someone else might take it.  They think, “I better save that idea for later.”  They don’t share their ideas or give them away – they keep them.

Well, let’s think – why would you do that?

The problem isn’t that your ideas aren’t any good.  It’s not even because your ideas aren’t worthy or that you aren’t worthy – because you are.  The problem is your thinking.  You think that if you give one idea away that you won’t come up with more great ideas.  And that fear has got you living in the lake of lack.

Instead, you could start by giving what you got.

Let’s look at Bloggers

Why do a lot of bloggers fail to be successful online?  Bloggers don’t fail because they’re terrible writers (although there are some).  And they don’t fail because they don’t have something valuable to say; they all do – they fail because they stop writing; they stopped giving and providing valuable ideas to others.

To create the abundance mindset, be willing to give.

It’s no different than with money.

Are you Mr El-Cheap-O?

Maybe you’re one of those people who holds onto every penny you’ve got – save money for a rainy day sort of thinking.  I know because I used to be that person.  Maybe you’re really frugal with your money or what I like to call Mr El-Cheap-O.

There’s nothing wrong with being frugal.  What I’m talking about is something completely different.  I’m talking about the hoarders, the real savers – the people who are scared to spend their money.

Just remember that holding onto your money doesn’t bring more of it to you.  It does just the opposite.  Holding onto or hoarding your money (in fear) is evidence enough that you don’t think there is enough.  And when you don’t think you have enough, you’re projecting the scarcity mindset or what my friend Julia calls the “scare-city” mindset.  This mindset is based in fear.

Are you short on time?

Some people are always running out of time – like it was cash or some commodity.  They’re always in a panic to get stuff done.  They’re time vampires.  They literally devour their time and suck the life out of themselves – until there is no time left.

These time vampires live in the lake of lack.  The don’t give away their time because they don’t think there is “enough time” to give.  And when you don’t think there is enough, you’re coming from scarcity or lack.

The way you do anything is the way you do everything.  If there is lack in one area, then there is lack in all areas of your life.  It really comes down to your mindset.

So, how do you break the pattern?

You’ve got to be willing to give from where you are.

Give what you got because giving signals “more-than-enoughness.”  It signals abundance.  When you’re in a state of giving, and giving willingly you’re telling others (and yourself) that there is plenty.  That there is more than enough for everyone.

“You receive through the same doorway through which you give.  The way to receive freely is to give freely. Quality is more important than quantity, since the universe amplifies thought into circumstance.  Begin giving, and let God perfect your giving.” ~ Brad Jensen

Here are 6 ways to give and create the abundance mindset:

• Are you short on time? If that’s the case, give away some of your time. Take time to give to others. You don’t have to dedicate 90% of your day to serving others – that’s not what I’m saying. Just find that balance between giving and receiving. Find an organization or a person that you really love and volunteer some of your time. Give your time away.
• Don’t feel loved? You’ve got to give some before you get some. Give away some hugs. Go out right now and give 5 people you know a big hug. I guarantee right after you do this, you’ll feel great. You’ll feel like a million bucks! Why? Because you feel loved. And you can only feel loved when you give that love to others. Go out right now and hug 5 people!
• Short on Cash? Give some away. Yes, you heard me right. I’m not saying you should sell the farm, far from it. But you may consider giving money to a charity, giving money to a friend who needs it, or even giving money to a panhandler in the street.  Givers gain.
• Are you stuck? Do you want to get unstuck?  Help others first. Think of someone you know that is having a similar problem. And think of a way that you could help them based on what you know.  Write down what you plan to do to help this person and then go out and do it. I’m telling you this works!  When you help others wholeheartedly, help will always come back to you.
• Lacking self-belief? Yup, you know it. You’ve got to give it away! If you lack self-belief, then give away that belief to others.  What do I mean?  Find someone you know who is lacking in self-confidence or in self-belief and give them a boost.  Spend some time with this person and feed their mind.  Tell them how much you believe in them.  Tell them how successful you see them becoming; how you always knew they could make it. Tell them how proud you are of them. Fill their mind with positive ideas.   Instill belief in others and belief will come flowing abundantly to you.
• Short on ideas? This is my favorite. If you’re short on creative ideas, give them away! Give others creative ways to increase business, find a new stimulating career or improve their health.  Give ideas away and ideas will flood right back to you.

With all of these tips, you have to start with where you are.  You can’t give what you don’t have.  Be willing to give what you got from where you are and I promise you – abundance will flow into your life.  You will be actively creating the abundance mindset.

Steve is a Life Coach and the creator of Freedom Education – Mind Power for Your Personal Growth.  He is also the author of the ebook, The Genius Within YOU. You can download his ebook here.

Unfortunately, when most guys get started attracting women, they discover that they first need to cure approach anxiety. They see a beautiful woman and instantly feel a crippling fear that feels nearly impossible to overcome.

For some, this fear becomes too much and their approach anxiety beats them for good. Others will challenge themselves and approach women after women for weeks or months on end, hoping that it will eliminate Approach Anxiety forever.

But as many of those guys will tell you, even after approaching 100s of girls THE APPROACH ANXIETY IS STILL THERE!

So if simply approaching tons of women isn’t enough to cure approach anxiety, what is?

After overcoming my own fear of approaching women, and helping hundreds of men across the globe do the same, I’ve been fortunate to discover what really works to overcome approach anxiety forever.

One of the biggest reasons most guys continue to get approach anxiety after making numerous approaches is that they only approach women at specific times.

Most guys who want to get good with women will go out at specified times and approach beautiful women. During those times they’ll try to pick up girls with varying degrees of success, but the rest of the time they’ll go about life as if women didn’t even exist!

As soon as their life gets busy, they feel like they don’t have time to approach and they take a break. Once they are ready to start approaching again, they’re devastated to learn that their approach anxiety is back!

There is a HUGE problem with that mindset!

When you only approach at specified times than you’re not actually making it part of who you are. You’re going out and approaching, which is great, but you’re actually limiting yourself to being the guy who only talks to people on Saturdays and Wednesdays from 5 till 8!

What happens when the girl of your dreams passes you by on a Monday?

If you’re like most guys you’ll be feeling “rusty” or “not in the mood” and simply let her pass you by. After all, you only approach on the weekends – if at all.

The guys that get REALLY GOOD with girls don’t just make approaching what they do; they make it who they are.

These are the guys who live with PASSION, they are driven by their desires and live life on their own terms. They don’t go out solely to “pick up” women, they see a beautiful girl and they talk to her, regardless of what time of day it is or where they are.

Men that overcome their approach anxiety might still feel some fear for the first approach or two, but they accept it as something that is natural and push through it anyways.

If you want to truly overcome approach anxiety you must deal with the excuses that stop you from meeting women anywhere. Excuses like:

“I don’t want to meet women today, I’ve got too much on my mind”
“I don’t have time to approach her”
“She’s not THAT hot anyways”
“I’m just not in the mood”
“She looks too busy, I don’t want to interrupt”
Ask yourself, are these ever really valid excuses or are you just giving in to fear?

If you really want to get comfortable in approaching a girl without fear of rejection, and how to cure approach anxiety forever, IGNORE YOUR EXCUSES. If you see a hot girl, go up and talk to her. Surely you have at least a few minutes to find out more about her.

Maybe she is bitchy, maybe you don’t have much time, but if you really want beautiful women in your life, taking those few minutes to talk to girls throughout your day will make a massive difference in your success. And this way, you’ll overcome approach anxiety for good and never feel rusty when your ideal girl walks past.

How to create more opportunities to approach throughout the day:

Hopefully by now you realize how important it is to approach beautiful women, wherever they may be. But how do you create the opportunities while going about your busy day?

Making approaching part of who you are requires that you constantly look for beautiful women while going about your day. Here are a few examples of great places to meet girls:

Grocery Store – While shopping for food, shop for new girls as well. As you’re getting what you need, look for attractive women, see how far into their shopping they are, and talk to them! Say whatever feels right for you but I like making jokes about what’s in their basket. If your really crunched for time, choose the till where you can stand behind a women and talk to her while you’re queuing.
Restaurant – Instead of sitting wherever the hostess seats you, scan the restaurant for any attractive girls and ask to be seated next to them instead. Once there, ask which food is poisonous, talk about what’s on their plate, or say whatever else is on your mind.
Train/Tube – Don’t just sit down in the first carriage available. Run along the train and look for one with an attractive girl to sit next to. If no one comes up, wait till the next stop, get off, and find another carriage to find girls. This way you can get to where you’re going and get a phone number to top it off. A word of caution though – don’t be too forward in these types situations. A more casual approach is more likely to be well received in this type of closed environment.

The Street – Walking down the street is an awesome way to bump into some amazingly beautiful women. Talk to every hot girl you see, run after them if need be and tell them how you feel. Tell her that you’re on your way to something important and then blame her for making you late. One of my favorite things to say is “I’ve got this rule where I talk to the first gorgeous women I see every day – it makes life exciting. Hi, what’s your name?” Why not? So what if you’re going to be late 5 minutes for something? THAT’S JUST AN EXCUSE!

By just making this one habit a part of your life you can cure approach anxiety FOREVER and ultimately end up with a load of new great women in your life.

Three simple rules to maximize your results:

Always leave 30 minutes early. By leaving early, you’ll have time to meet people on the way to wherever you’re going. You’ll wipe out the “I don’t have time” excuse… in fact, by leaving early you’re actually creating time just to approach – subtly forcing yourself to do so when the opportunity arises! This is a key first step to changing your life habits.
Approach the first cute girl you see every day. Whether you see her through a glass window and have to tap on it to get her attention or she’s across a crowded building and you have to burst through people to talk to her – do it! This will get you into a great social mindset that you can carry on throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, just go up and tell her how great she looks. By making this one simple change, I have been on more dates in the last year than most guys have in a lifetime!
3. Play an on running game. I.E hot girl tag. Never worry about not having an opening line again. Simply walk up to every hot girl you see and touch her (on the elbow you pervert!) This will force you to come up with something to say on the spot. Or, if you can’t think of anything in the moment, say “tag you’re it” and explain that you are playing a game of “hot girl tag.” Women love this!

Tell her: Another great game to play is one called “tell her.” Whenever you’re with a friend, if one of you says anything about any woman – and you’re friend says “ “tell her” you HAVE to go and tell the woman exactly what you just said. You can even explain to women the game that you’re playing – they don’t mind! Mix this in with punching your friend every time you spot a cute girl and this will equal meeting a LOT of new people!

These rules and habits may sound a bit daunting at first, but I GUARANTEE YOU that by implementing them into your life, you’ll never have to ask how to approach a girl without fear of rejection again. You’ll be having so much fun and meeting so many women that overcoming approach anxiety will not even cross your radar.

More importantly, you’ll finally be the type of guy that women love. A spontaneous, fun, social guy that goes after what he wants and isn’t stuck in a boring routine.

So go out there and live your life.

Don’t set a time to meet women.

Make meeting women a part of who you are…. You won’t regret it!

Booooom shaka laka!!

Sasha.

Sasha is one of Europe’s top independent daygame instructors … and runs some of the most intense and personalized daygame bootcamps in the world. Just 2 students per weekend! He’s usually in London but travels back and forth between North America and Europe regularly. For information on his programs, check out http://www.sashapua.com/

The word on the street is that Sasha has agreed to be in DC in a few weeks to meet you guys.

The wrong way to take advice

Many people – and we’re talking about PUAs here – do this when they take advice. They read a new article about how to do something – a new technique, opener, etc. Then they get really excited about it and run to the mall or bar to try it out. Then guess what? It doesn’t work. They get discouraged and give up on that tactic, and wait until a better one comes along. They keep looking for the one trick or system that will get them to the next level. It is a never ending futile quest.

The slightly better, but still wrong, way to take advice

Other people take a different approach. They hear some advice, typically in their vulnerable early stages in the game, and it rings true in their ears. This advice just seems like it has to be right. So they become avid followers of the particular system. They read all the material and go out and try all the tactics. The tactics don’t work, but they still follow the system religiously. Try to tell them the system has flaws and they get personally offended.

 The reason this approach is better than the first one is that at least there is consistency and the student picks up and retains valuable experience along the way.

The Right Way to Take Advice

 You might say how someone takes advice is the difference between getting good and not getting good. It’s as much about how NOT to take advice as anything.

The right way to take advice has several features so I’ll break it down into sections:

- Experiment Mindset

The most important aspect is the Experiment Mindset. This is the mindset that a PUA says to himself: I will try this system or method with 100% faith for a set duration of time, and during that time I will not allow myself to question its validity. Most importantly, the PUA can’t expect immediate results. Because it is an experiment, the student is most interested in learning and gaining experience. A set duration of time might be 2-4 weeks. If in 2-4 weeks of active sarging the PUA decides that Mystery Method doesn’t sit well with him, he can move on to a more direct style of game. But, during that period, he only does Mystery Method.

The Experiment Mindset phase should last a while – 1 to 3 years – before someone can expect to start seeing results.

- Action Oriented

Similar to the Experiment Mindset concept, someone starting out should get into the habit of being Action Oriented. Theory means absolutely nothing without a frame of reference. Action Orientation leads you to go out into the field and just do it. This isn’t just a vague call to action. The prime principle of Action Orientation is extreme:

Whenever faced with a decision to do something or not do something, ALWAYS do it.

And, especially do it if it makes you uncomfortable. This means if your Aunt sets you up on a date with a 63 year old woman, do it. If your friend invites you to a party where you will be the only person of your race, do it. If you are at a Karaoke bar and you are egged on, do it. This mindset will give you unshakable confidence if you follow it to the end. Life will become a thrill, and you will have a ton of cool shit to talk about.

-Contradictory Advice

The only way to defend yourself from schizophrenia after reading contradictory advice throughout the community is to get experience. When you have a frame of reference, it is easy to tell what advice is complete B.S. and what is real. Some advice is good for some people and bad for others. The only way to know for sure is to get out there and learn on your own two feet.

For instance, there are some people on this forum who claim that style and fashion don’t matter and others that do. This is a debate where there is probably truth on both sides. It might be true that style alone won’t get you laid if you have terrible game. However, it may also be true that with solid game, fashion can bump you from a 20% closing rate to a 40% closing rate over night. It’s hard to know something like that when you are just starting out, so you have to be careful not to just trust the words people say.

-Keyboard Jockeys

This is important: people need to be very careful who they take advice from. You wouldn’t go on an internet law forum and get legal advice from some random person on the internet if you are facing a $100,000 law suit. Why would you take advice from some random guy you haven’t met when it comes to your dating and sex life? Your sex life is probably as important to you as your financial life, if not more so. There are too many guys who, to gratify their egos or whatever reason, give out advice when they really aren’t good themselves.

- Self Judgment

This might be the real meat of why some guys fail and other guys succeed. It has to do with how they judge themselves while during the Experiment Phase. The key is to not judge yourself while learning. The PUA doesn’t want judge the results he is getting since it is an experiment. He also doesn’t want to judge the person doing the experimenting, himself. It is an experiment with new territory, and it takes time to get good. Setting reasonable expectation of oneself is a good way to stave off self-judgment. A reasonable expectation might be: “I expect to be good in 1 – 3 years if I continue to make small improvements every day.” Until then, there’s no reason to beat oneself up. If after 1-3 years you’re still not succeeding, then it is time to take a hard look in the mirror and figure it out.

-Corleone