Why do people stay stuck in spite of a stated desire to change their behaviors to successful ones so they can make progress?  Here are a few reasons I have found when my clients keep getting stuck on the same sticking points.  These reasons apply not just to getting better in their ability to do well with women, but to all kinds of bad habits or unproductive behaviors and beliefs.  Here are a few reasons people stay stuck.

1) Perceived benefits or “payoffs” for not changing. This is when at a subconscious level a person perceives that they have more to gain by staying stuck doing the same behaviors that are ultimately unhealthy and destructive.

Potential “payoffs” include:

• Getting attention by playing the victim.  They fear a loss of attention from friends, mentors and others will no longer be around to help them if they are not a victim and are successful at achieving their stated goal.  They do not believe that there is an alternative way to meet their emotional needs to be loved and to feel important.  This can actually include reinforcement from other guy friends and wingmen that are stuck.

• Avoiding taking responsibility for yourself and your results.  Being a victim that is taken care of means they can avoid taking responsibility and the fact that you may have to make some changes that require effort.

• Using the “problem” right in front of you as an excuse for dealing with or even acknowledging other fears or issues. For example being nervous about approaching women could be a way of avoiding fear of intimacy or insecurities about their own sexual ability.

• Not getting what they want in one area of life, with women, is an excuse to not make other changes in your life.  Change is scary, and remaining in a situation where you are not getting what you want can prevent you from confronting and dealing with the uncertainty of what comes after success.

• Being successful is in conflict with self image or beliefs. This can be the case for someone who says they just are the “nice” guy, or that they are just “not good with women” and they can’t change.  Or that they are not the kind of person that can get what they want.  They don’t believe they can have sex with women and still be a “nice guy.”

• Rehearsing failure or less than successful behavior in your mind, instead of rehearsing success. This goes back to the rule that if you don’t give your mind something to think about then it will default to your past experiences or your fears about what “could” happen. Fortunately this uncertainty based on habit can be easier to fix than if is more deeply rooted in other issues.

~ QuickKill

The laws of attraction are one of the most powerful tools out there that can be used to bring you that which you truly desire.

What are these laws?

In a simplistic form – whatever you think of, and feel, you communicate to the world, and attract more of it, back into your life.

When I first started meeting some of the people on this forum and in this community, I noticed a considerable difference in results between some guys and others. It wasn’t necessarily their look, or their style, or the words they used. But rather, it was the image that they conveyed and were projecting outwards to the world.

That inner image would project outwards, inspite of what the person was wearing or saying. Sure, it makes sense that it would be more effective if the outer image matched the inner image. But, never-the-less, whatever they were doing on the inside, was impacting their external environment considerably more, than what they were wearing or saying on the outside.

So I asked them what they were doing. And in a few simple words, they explained it to me.

In summary, it was all about attitude. I know – attitude is such an elusive word, just a simplistic concept which is difficult to grasp and pull together into anything practical or useful.

But is it really?

There are practical ways to design your inner self so that you are eventually projecting what you desire to the world! And more importantly – in a way that is congruent with what you truly want, think and feel.

And when you understand what you truly want and who you really are, and project that image to the world; you will stand there in all of your glory, and demand to the world – this is me, this is what I want, and I am not afraid to do what it takes to get it.

And in that moment, the world will bring to you exactly what you ask for – no more, and no less.

Dare

Many of our members found us after reading books like “The Game” by Neil Strauss, a story of a writer who became a rising star and “pickup artist.” The Game documents Neil Strauss’ experience in the seductive and mysterious world of the pickup artist (“PUA”) community. Other members searched for a local “lair” or “forum” where they could find wingmen to go out with and improve their dating and social lives and found us.   However, the Attraction Vault is about more than just “picking up” women.  The Attraction Vault is a community established to help individuals grow as people. 

Who We Are

We are an all volunteer group of primarily men, and some helpful, supportive women mostly in Washington, DC, Baltimore and Miami metropolitan areas who work together to help one another improve our dating and social lives. Members of the Attraction Vault range from working professionals with extensive experience in dating, to young men with little experience in dating and socializing with women. Members also include divorced men in their 30s and 40s that just want to get back into the dating game and single men who are already happy with their dating life, but are seeking constant improvement in their relationships. 

What We Do

Members provide advice and support to each other through a private online discussion forum. The forum posts focus on topics that help individuals develop the dating and social skills required to initiate, enhance and manage relationships. We also facilitate events where men meet in person and collaborate to socialize and meet other wingmen and wingwomen,  go out during the day and get involved in events where they can initiate conversations and establish relationships with women, and/or go out and enjoy the socialthe nightlife in Washington, DC and Miami.

We also host educational events in Washington, DC,  Baltimore and Miami. We host these events through coordinating with local Dating Coaches and Nationally known Speakers.  Our list of speakers has included Brad P, DJ Fuji, Nick Quick, Vince Kelvin, Psych, Adam Lyons, Badboy, James Marshall, Speer, QuickKill, Brother James, Cuisine and many more. In addition, we have a forum where members review pickup artist products and dating services.

Join Us!

Wherever you are at in your life with women, there is a place for you here. Sign up for free to join the Attraction Vault and participate in our daily discussions and forums.