I was thinking to myself today regarding what really needs to happen for someone to get good at dating.  What do you think it is?

When you go out and get the same results is it your fault or theirs?

Take, for example, my friend ‘Mary,’ she goes out all of the time and complains that no one approaches her.  She can’t understand why.   Given Mary is a rather attractive woman and has a lot going for her.  Guys should be falling over her, but they are not.

I’ve gone out with her, and know exactly why she doesn’t get approached.  She’ll go sit down in the farthest corner in a booth where no one can see her.   When she walks around, her head is down, arms are crossed and gives off the vibe that she can’t be dealt with.

What guy is going to approach her?  Her body language shows ‘I’m closed off.’  She hides in the corner of the bar.  She goes to the same locations and never changes.

Too many guys do this too.

These bad habits are limiting their success.

If something isn’t working, change it!

STOP doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result!

First, address what are your habits:  notice where you go, where you stand/sit in a location, what does your body language show, are you smiling, do you give opportunities to approach/be approached?

Now, that you have a list of what you do and how you go about meeting people, Start Changing it!

If you go to the same bar, club, grocery store, book store, etc., change it to another location.  Go to a museum.  Join a soccer team.  Just stop doing the same thing!

Instead of standing in the corner of the room, stand in the middle.  There’s more traffic and people can get to you with ease.

If you want to get good at dating, you’re going to have to focus on dating.  Take inventory of what you do and how you do it.  Start making changes.

Give complements to complete strangers!   Just go out and do it!

One of the quickest and most effective way to do this is have a dating coach that can help you through your metamorphosis.   They should easily be able to see your patterns and show you what you’re doing wrong.  A well trained coach can remove months of frustration and boost you to the next level of dating.

Nothing happens without action.  This is worth saying twice.  Nothing happens without action.

Go out and make it happen.   Start changing and start your journey.

~Brother James

It is true, but not necessarily true that confidence comes from past experience. Past experiences provide evidence and imagery to guide your mind, but they are not necessary per se. Almost everyone who is now very successful at something was once not successful. In fact many of these people who are successful keep trying new things and often hit set backs along the way.

How do you start the process so that you have the past successes that you can use to build upon present success? Basically you have to believe you are capable and deserve to be successful FIRST in order to become a success. You have to think “you’re the shit” at an emotional level in order to become the shit! This is true even before you have any external validation from other people or tangible results that you are in fact successful.

1. Confidence = Success

2. Anything vividly visualized or repeatedly in a strong enough way in side your mind to where it becomes a belief is indistinguishable from what has actually happened when it comes to guiding your subconscious mind.

For that I have two quick examples to illustrate this principle.

In college my friend Chad was a total natural with women, yet he was the same height, body build and similar in looks to myself. I wondered what made his results so different from mine. His attitude and frame of mind was very powerful. When he walked into a room he identified several women to me in the room that wanted to have sex with him. I asked him how he knew. He said he knew because of how they responded to the way he looked at them which was a result of his confidence.

In a great bit of circular reasoning he said women “respond to me positively because I’m confident, I’m confident because women respond positively to me.” I asked, how do you first be confident to get the cycle going. His response: If I’m not feeling it at first I fake it until I make it and get responses as if I were already confident and then I just keep going from there. I fake like I’m confident, so women respond to me as if I’m confident, then I’m confident because women are responding to me like I’m confident.

A second example comes from handwriting analysis, also known as graphology, where a person’s personality is a great tool for creating a snap shot of a person’s personality based on a combination of traits at the time of writing.

One of the biggest characteristics of success is ego strength, measured on the size of the capital letters in a person’s signature and also the overall size of their signature compared to the rest of the their handwriting. Note, ego strength as defined in handwriting analysis is not necessarily vanity or “egotism” in this definition, nor is it internal self-deservedness, it is a measure of your perception of how powerful you are in the world and with other people.

It turns out that pro-athletes and rock stars almost always have a very big ego. I know what a big surprise! However in almost all cases the star athlete or rocker had the big ego first, years before he became famous. In other words he already thought he was a big deal long before he had made it big and gotten all of the external recognition.

In other words, for us to become anything, we have to first act, speak and believe we are going to be successful before we really actually have the evidence that we have achieved it. We have to believe that we’re worth a lot of money when we’re not making a lot of money. We have to believe that we’re champion athletes when we’re not yet champion athletes. We have to believe that we are desirable to women, even when women are not yet throwing themselves at us. When we’re still working and developing our skills to attract the women, we have to see and believe our future success as if it is already an indisputable reality. In a word BELIEVE and succeed.

-Quickkill

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