Unfortunately, when most guys get started attracting women, they discover that they first need to cure approach anxiety. They see a beautiful woman and instantly feel a crippling fear that feels nearly impossible to overcome.

For some, this fear becomes too much and their approach anxiety beats them for good. Others will challenge themselves and approach women after women for weeks or months on end, hoping that it will eliminate Approach Anxiety forever.

But as many of those guys will tell you, even after approaching 100s of girls THE APPROACH ANXIETY IS STILL THERE!

So if simply approaching tons of women isn’t enough to cure approach anxiety, what is?

After overcoming my own fear of approaching women, and helping hundreds of men across the globe do the same, I’ve been fortunate to discover what really works to overcome approach anxiety forever.

One of the biggest reasons most guys continue to get approach anxiety after making numerous approaches is that they only approach women at specific times.

Most guys who want to get good with women will go out at specified times and approach beautiful women. During those times they’ll try to pick up girls with varying degrees of success, but the rest of the time they’ll go about life as if women didn’t even exist!

As soon as their life gets busy, they feel like they don’t have time to approach and they take a break. Once they are ready to start approaching again, they’re devastated to learn that their approach anxiety is back!

There is a HUGE problem with that mindset!

When you only approach at specified times than you’re not actually making it part of who you are. You’re going out and approaching, which is great, but you’re actually limiting yourself to being the guy who only talks to people on Saturdays and Wednesdays from 5 till 8!

What happens when the girl of your dreams passes you by on a Monday?

If you’re like most guys you’ll be feeling “rusty” or “not in the mood” and simply let her pass you by. After all, you only approach on the weekends – if at all.

The guys that get REALLY GOOD with girls don’t just make approaching what they do; they make it who they are.

These are the guys who live with PASSION, they are driven by their desires and live life on their own terms. They don’t go out solely to “pick up” women, they see a beautiful girl and they talk to her, regardless of what time of day it is or where they are.

Men that overcome their approach anxiety might still feel some fear for the first approach or two, but they accept it as something that is natural and push through it anyways.

If you want to truly overcome approach anxiety you must deal with the excuses that stop you from meeting women anywhere. Excuses like:

“I don’t want to meet women today, I’ve got too much on my mind”
“I don’t have time to approach her”
“She’s not THAT hot anyways”
“I’m just not in the mood”
“She looks too busy, I don’t want to interrupt”
Ask yourself, are these ever really valid excuses or are you just giving in to fear?

If you really want to get comfortable in approaching a girl without fear of rejection, and how to cure approach anxiety forever, IGNORE YOUR EXCUSES. If you see a hot girl, go up and talk to her. Surely you have at least a few minutes to find out more about her.

Maybe she is bitchy, maybe you don’t have much time, but if you really want beautiful women in your life, taking those few minutes to talk to girls throughout your day will make a massive difference in your success. And this way, you’ll overcome approach anxiety for good and never feel rusty when your ideal girl walks past.

How to create more opportunities to approach throughout the day:

Hopefully by now you realize how important it is to approach beautiful women, wherever they may be. But how do you create the opportunities while going about your busy day?

Making approaching part of who you are requires that you constantly look for beautiful women while going about your day. Here are a few examples of great places to meet girls:

Grocery Store – While shopping for food, shop for new girls as well. As you’re getting what you need, look for attractive women, see how far into their shopping they are, and talk to them! Say whatever feels right for you but I like making jokes about what’s in their basket. If your really crunched for time, choose the till where you can stand behind a women and talk to her while you’re queuing.
Restaurant – Instead of sitting wherever the hostess seats you, scan the restaurant for any attractive girls and ask to be seated next to them instead. Once there, ask which food is poisonous, talk about what’s on their plate, or say whatever else is on your mind.
Train/Tube – Don’t just sit down in the first carriage available. Run along the train and look for one with an attractive girl to sit next to. If no one comes up, wait till the next stop, get off, and find another carriage to find girls. This way you can get to where you’re going and get a phone number to top it off. A word of caution though – don’t be too forward in these types situations. A more casual approach is more likely to be well received in this type of closed environment.

The Street – Walking down the street is an awesome way to bump into some amazingly beautiful women. Talk to every hot girl you see, run after them if need be and tell them how you feel. Tell her that you’re on your way to something important and then blame her for making you late. One of my favorite things to say is “I’ve got this rule where I talk to the first gorgeous women I see every day – it makes life exciting. Hi, what’s your name?” Why not? So what if you’re going to be late 5 minutes for something? THAT’S JUST AN EXCUSE!

By just making this one habit a part of your life you can cure approach anxiety FOREVER and ultimately end up with a load of new great women in your life.

Three simple rules to maximize your results:

Always leave 30 minutes early. By leaving early, you’ll have time to meet people on the way to wherever you’re going. You’ll wipe out the “I don’t have time” excuse… in fact, by leaving early you’re actually creating time just to approach – subtly forcing yourself to do so when the opportunity arises! This is a key first step to changing your life habits.
Approach the first cute girl you see every day. Whether you see her through a glass window and have to tap on it to get her attention or she’s across a crowded building and you have to burst through people to talk to her – do it! This will get you into a great social mindset that you can carry on throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, just go up and tell her how great she looks. By making this one simple change, I have been on more dates in the last year than most guys have in a lifetime!
3. Play an on running game. I.E hot girl tag. Never worry about not having an opening line again. Simply walk up to every hot girl you see and touch her (on the elbow you pervert!) This will force you to come up with something to say on the spot. Or, if you can’t think of anything in the moment, say “tag you’re it” and explain that you are playing a game of “hot girl tag.” Women love this!

Tell her: Another great game to play is one called “tell her.” Whenever you’re with a friend, if one of you says anything about any woman – and you’re friend says “ “tell her” you HAVE to go and tell the woman exactly what you just said. You can even explain to women the game that you’re playing – they don’t mind! Mix this in with punching your friend every time you spot a cute girl and this will equal meeting a LOT of new people!

These rules and habits may sound a bit daunting at first, but I GUARANTEE YOU that by implementing them into your life, you’ll never have to ask how to approach a girl without fear of rejection again. You’ll be having so much fun and meeting so many women that overcoming approach anxiety will not even cross your radar.

More importantly, you’ll finally be the type of guy that women love. A spontaneous, fun, social guy that goes after what he wants and isn’t stuck in a boring routine.

So go out there and live your life.

Don’t set a time to meet women.

Make meeting women a part of who you are…. You won’t regret it!

Booooom shaka laka!!

Sasha.

Sasha is one of Europe’s top independent daygame instructors … and runs some of the most intense and personalized daygame bootcamps in the world. Just 2 students per weekend! He’s usually in London but travels back and forth between North America and Europe regularly. For information on his programs, check out http://www.sashapua.com/

The word on the street is that Sasha has agreed to be in DC in a few weeks to meet you guys.

Why do people stay stuck in spite of a stated desire to change their behaviors to successful ones so they can make progress?  Here are a few reasons I have found when my clients keep getting stuck on the same sticking points.  These reasons apply not just to getting better in their ability to do well with women, but to all kinds of bad habits or unproductive behaviors and beliefs.  Here are a few reasons people stay stuck.

1) Perceived benefits or “payoffs” for not changing. This is when at a subconscious level a person perceives that they have more to gain by staying stuck doing the same behaviors that are ultimately unhealthy and destructive.

Potential “payoffs” include:

• Getting attention by playing the victim.  They fear a loss of attention from friends, mentors and others will no longer be around to help them if they are not a victim and are successful at achieving their stated goal.  They do not believe that there is an alternative way to meet their emotional needs to be loved and to feel important.  This can actually include reinforcement from other guy friends and wingmen that are stuck.

• Avoiding taking responsibility for yourself and your results.  Being a victim that is taken care of means they can avoid taking responsibility and the fact that you may have to make some changes that require effort.

• Using the “problem” right in front of you as an excuse for dealing with or even acknowledging other fears or issues. For example being nervous about approaching women could be a way of avoiding fear of intimacy or insecurities about their own sexual ability.

• Not getting what they want in one area of life, with women, is an excuse to not make other changes in your life.  Change is scary, and remaining in a situation where you are not getting what you want can prevent you from confronting and dealing with the uncertainty of what comes after success.

• Being successful is in conflict with self image or beliefs. This can be the case for someone who says they just are the “nice” guy, or that they are just “not good with women” and they can’t change.  Or that they are not the kind of person that can get what they want.  They don’t believe they can have sex with women and still be a “nice guy.”

• Rehearsing failure or less than successful behavior in your mind, instead of rehearsing success. This goes back to the rule that if you don’t give your mind something to think about then it will default to your past experiences or your fears about what “could” happen. Fortunately this uncertainty based on habit can be easier to fix than if is more deeply rooted in other issues.

~ QuickKill

Let’s take the top ten excuses for not approaching women off the table, right here, right now, and vow never, ever to utter these words again. 

 #10 I can’t hear too well in loud venues like ____.

Irrelevant.  I can’t hear a damn thing either!  I can assure this one has never kept me from going to a party, or checking out a new club or bar.  There are people that are paid to design entertaining environments for you and your friends for a bit of time, to lose some of your inhibitions and have some fun.  This excuse is rarely truly too loud, and more about the fear of the unknown.  

#9 She looks like _____.

This one usually comes with an endless litany of inappropriate trailing comments.  Just because she looks a certain way, doesn’t mean that she is that way.  And there is only one way to find out and that is if you walk up and say hello.   

#8 I’m waiting until I _____.

Finish my degree?  Get that raise?  Buy that car?  Find myself?  Stop waiting.  This is not about an endpoint, a task, or a milestone, this about a process called enjoying life as you live it.  When are you going to do something about it?  If the answer to that is anything other than right now, I don’t want to hear it.

#7 This isn’t my scene.

Sure, not all scenes are created equal.  But here we are, so now what?  The fact is, most people don’t ever really feel in their comfort zone 100% of the time.  And that’s a great thing.  If we all only did what was 100% comfortable, we would all probably die of boredom. 

The secret to all success is very simple, get comfortable being uncomfortable.

#6 I need my _____.

This one is related to #8 and even more painful to hear.  This usually comes from a “prepared” guy with the exception that whatever it is that he needs, he apparently forgot to bring it with him this time.  It could be his list of routines, his book on NLP weasel phrases, or some kind lucky charm.  It could be that he forgot to get a haircut or his amazing natural wingman is out of town.   Whatever it is the problem starts and ends with “I need.”

Stop needing things and you’ll learn to live more freely.

 #5 I’m not in a good state.

Emotions drive us all, but as a man it means that you have the innate (and largely maligned) skill of being able acutely… ignore them.  At least until a more suitable time to curl up your favorite issue of Oprah. 

Buck up and get your game face on.  Whatever you do just remember one thing, no one wants to hear you complain, especially in the form of an excuse.

#4 I’m tired.

What did I say about #5? 

Sure, sometimes we need rest and rejuvenation, and that’s what bedtime is for.  Not eating right?  Relying on chemicals to get you a boost of energy?  The perhaps what you really need to do is re-evaluate some of those lifestyle choices. 

You need sleep.  You need exercise.  You need a healthy diet.  Probably the only things you’ll ever really need. 

#3 That must be her _____.

Fill in the blank with one of these favorites: boyfriend, husband, father, etc. only problem is, if you’ve never actually asked her, how can you possibly know from just looking them across the bar?   Sure, I guess if she’s making out with the guy I suppose we can rule out her father.  But can you never really know until you ask, “how do you guys know each other?”

#2 She’s not attractive enough, not really my type.

You mean the Megan Fox look-a-like?  Yeah buddy, and I still believe in Santa.  This is one of the most overused excuses.  Sure, I’ll give you a free pass the first time.  But if you keep pointing out all the ones that aren’t your type, at some point we’ll start to wonder if your type is simply not the opposite sex.

#1 I can’t think of anything to say.

This is the most common excuse I hear above all the rest.  And this is the excuse totally based on nothing more than pure fear.  You in fact can think of all kinds of things to say and it doesn’t even matter what you say when it’s all about how you say it that matters far, far more.

Fortunately this is the easiest of all the excuses to overcome.  The trick is to know that it’s ok to be afraid.  Believe it or not, it’s actually better when you are.  That’s what makes it a challenge.  That’s what makes it a worthwhile effort.   And guess what, everyone is also a little afraid, including the Megan Fox look-a-like.  So let’s just agree that we are all a little afraid and the only question that really matters is…

…what are you going to do about it?

-Deline