Let’s take the top ten excuses for not approaching women off the table, right here, right now, and vow never, ever to utter these words again. 

 #10 I can’t hear too well in loud venues like ____.

Irrelevant.  I can’t hear a damn thing either!  I can assure this one has never kept me from going to a party, or checking out a new club or bar.  There are people that are paid to design entertaining environments for you and your friends for a bit of time, to lose some of your inhibitions and have some fun.  This excuse is rarely truly too loud, and more about the fear of the unknown.  

#9 She looks like _____.

This one usually comes with an endless litany of inappropriate trailing comments.  Just because she looks a certain way, doesn’t mean that she is that way.  And there is only one way to find out and that is if you walk up and say hello.   

#8 I’m waiting until I _____.

Finish my degree?  Get that raise?  Buy that car?  Find myself?  Stop waiting.  This is not about an endpoint, a task, or a milestone, this about a process called enjoying life as you live it.  When are you going to do something about it?  If the answer to that is anything other than right now, I don’t want to hear it.

#7 This isn’t my scene.

Sure, not all scenes are created equal.  But here we are, so now what?  The fact is, most people don’t ever really feel in their comfort zone 100% of the time.  And that’s a great thing.  If we all only did what was 100% comfortable, we would all probably die of boredom. 

The secret to all success is very simple, get comfortable being uncomfortable.

#6 I need my _____.

This one is related to #8 and even more painful to hear.  This usually comes from a “prepared” guy with the exception that whatever it is that he needs, he apparently forgot to bring it with him this time.  It could be his list of routines, his book on NLP weasel phrases, or some kind lucky charm.  It could be that he forgot to get a haircut or his amazing natural wingman is out of town.   Whatever it is the problem starts and ends with “I need.”

Stop needing things and you’ll learn to live more freely.

 #5 I’m not in a good state.

Emotions drive us all, but as a man it means that you have the innate (and largely maligned) skill of being able acutely… ignore them.  At least until a more suitable time to curl up your favorite issue of Oprah. 

Buck up and get your game face on.  Whatever you do just remember one thing, no one wants to hear you complain, especially in the form of an excuse.

#4 I’m tired.

What did I say about #5? 

Sure, sometimes we need rest and rejuvenation, and that’s what bedtime is for.  Not eating right?  Relying on chemicals to get you a boost of energy?  The perhaps what you really need to do is re-evaluate some of those lifestyle choices. 

You need sleep.  You need exercise.  You need a healthy diet.  Probably the only things you’ll ever really need. 

#3 That must be her _____.

Fill in the blank with one of these favorites: boyfriend, husband, father, etc. only problem is, if you’ve never actually asked her, how can you possibly know from just looking them across the bar?   Sure, I guess if she’s making out with the guy I suppose we can rule out her father.  But can you never really know until you ask, “how do you guys know each other?”

#2 She’s not attractive enough, not really my type.

You mean the Megan Fox look-a-like?  Yeah buddy, and I still believe in Santa.  This is one of the most overused excuses.  Sure, I’ll give you a free pass the first time.  But if you keep pointing out all the ones that aren’t your type, at some point we’ll start to wonder if your type is simply not the opposite sex.

#1 I can’t think of anything to say.

This is the most common excuse I hear above all the rest.  And this is the excuse totally based on nothing more than pure fear.  You in fact can think of all kinds of things to say and it doesn’t even matter what you say when it’s all about how you say it that matters far, far more.

Fortunately this is the easiest of all the excuses to overcome.  The trick is to know that it’s ok to be afraid.  Believe it or not, it’s actually better when you are.  That’s what makes it a challenge.  That’s what makes it a worthwhile effort.   And guess what, everyone is also a little afraid, including the Megan Fox look-a-like.  So let’s just agree that we are all a little afraid and the only question that really matters is…

…what are you going to do about it?

-Deline

As I promised last month, now I want to go from the process of meet to close comparing the natural who knows how to express himself and be himself versus the chode.

Opening

The natural sees a beautiful woman. He wants to talk to her and feels that attraction. Because this is what he desires to do, he does it. It is being himself. It is a form of expression.

The chode sees her and immediately approach anxiety hits. He is not being himself. He wants to talk to her but his limiting beliefs and society have programmed him to not talk to her. He is society’s robot and will not talk to her.

Mid Game

The natural talks to a woman about everything. He has no filter. He talks about sex, relationships, and other stuff that is considered taboo. This is because these are the topics that he wants to talk about and that is how he expresses himself. He tells her why he likes her – not as a tactic of qualification but because he is being genuine and sincere. He is in a state of mind of flow. Everything just comes out naturally.

The chode is in his head. He is thinking what he should say next. This is not being himself.

Emotional Connection

The natural builds an emotional connection because he is genuinely interested in the girl. He is being himself. He wants to know more about the girl. There are no routines. There are no tactics. He loves that feeling of getting close to the girl. And if he does not feel that emotional connection then he does not chase it. He does not try to build a fake emotional connection so that he can sleep with the girl. He just has fun with the girl (attraction) and being with her happens naturally anyways.

Closing Game

Being yourself is closing. How? Because you want to close. It is being you to close. You love sex. You want to be with the girl so you close. You are not scared of the rejection. You put yourself out there because that is you.

Am I myself? Not always. But I am better at expressing who I am to women at least than probably 95% of people out there. I still get in my head often. I still have approach anxiety occasionally. I still get scared to be the leader and actually go for the close. The thing is you do not have to achieve perfection. You just have to do it better than the other guys out there and you have to do it just good enough to get the girl.

Another thing is I tell people that if they see me out there they won’t be impressed. This one very highly regarded instructor PUA once told me after he watched me for a whole day, “to say the least, after reading all those reports, I wasn’t impressed.” Think about it. Can you find the paradox in that statement? I do not say anything that is impressive at all. I’m just myself. I’m a normal dude that expresses his desires. That is where I get the closing mentality from. I desire to be with a girl and that is me, so when it comes time for it I am going to voice it. I don’t use any impressive routines or anything. But that is why I get it. Because my game is not impressive. It is me.

So the next time someone tells you “just be yourself,” don’t write it off as something that is weak. Really think about it beyond the surface level meaning. It’s true.

Enjoy,

PrettyBoy