Some of the advice I give in my seminars and personal coaching as a professional dating coach is quite simple.  I try to break it down to the basics.  Why know all of the fluff, when you need to understand the principals?

The funny thing is most people want the fluff.  They want the quick fix:  “What do I say?” “How to I approach someone?”

The fluff quickly floats away and you are back to square one.  Do the hard stuff.

First: approach more people.  See that cute girl waiting in line for a bagel in the morning?  Go and just say hello.  Ask her what she’s getting.  The main issue is that most people hide themselves.  How is she or he going to ever meet you if you don’t put yourself out there?   A simple hello or talking about your surroundings is sometimes all it takes.

Second: Fail more. You may think you know your limits, but in fact most of my clients have no idea what they are capable of.   Fear is nothing more than you approaching a perceived limitation or a boundary of what you think you know.  What you need to do is move one step beyond it.   High-Five a stranger!  Walk up to that cute guy in the bookstore and ask him if he has cats! Slip someone a note in the coffee shop.  Whatever you do, don’t assume you know the outcome.

We have too many automatic thoughts in our head.  See what we really don’t know and experiment with what you think you really know.

Third: Have an awesome life that you love to live. Love is about connecting.  Live you passions. What better way to connect with people than discussing what really moves you?

If you don’t know you passions, start experimenting with everything.  Try Tango.  Try rock climbing.  Try painting.  Try skeet shooting.  Some things may work.  Some may not.  However, in the end you will see much more of whom you are and what you love.

People in general want to be around awesome people.  They want to be around passionate people.  Find your loves in your life and don’t be afraid to find more.  Be willing to express this. How else are you going to connect with someone else?

Be sure to go after what you want.

If you find that person attractive, be willing to tell them that in some form.  Maybe it’s a glance or something verbal.  Go for it!  You might be surprised on the response.  That person might just like you too!   If it doesn’t work out, learn from it.  Failure is a good thing.

How else can you learn?  Seek truth.   That person is out there looking for you too.

~~

James Norton is the founder of the Awesome Institution.  He has been featured on MSNBC, Washington Post Magazine,RTP, This Week, CitySearch, and many other outlets. Professional Pickup’s website is ProfessionalPickup.com and can be found on twitter @NewAwesomeLife.

These is a broad question upon which I have written a book “Become That Guy: Become Irresistibly Attractive” and many others have written books, given seminars and contributed to the constantly growing “Pickup Artist” movement. However here are a couple broad concepts from my perspective.

1) Know your “why” or stated another way be passionate about something with a sense of purpose. Knowing why you want to do something and having a strong desire for something other than women will make you an attractive person. It also helps because a woman will perceive a challenge to gain your focus and attention while you have a job or hobby that you are passionate about. This will make you magnetically attractive to women.

2) Be accepting of yourself and your sexuality. Many women have had the experience before of men wanting sex with a woman, however then not wanting to see them again simply because the woman had sex the first night they met them. For this reason many women want to make a man wait, simply so that he will not think they are a “slut.” I think a contributing factor to this behavior sometimes is a response to guilt and shame a man has about his sexual desires. If a man thinks sex is somehow bad, one way of dealing with feeling of guilt or shame is project that onto the women he is with. Sometimes women do the same.

However if you can genuinely communicate that you accept your desires as a man and will not punish her for her desires you can be very intimate very soon after meeting her. This can lead to sex very soon after meeting her and also create the possibility of a relationship developing later as well.

3) Be confident and certain about your self-worth. I have heard many women complain about men who seemed to be threatened by women who had a strong drive and of men that lost interest in them sexually or never had it to begin with. At the core of this is the desire to be confident about who you are so that her success or confidence does not seem like a threat to you.

4) Develop and demonstrate an understanding of her world. This is different from the “nice guy” friend way of being understanding. Rather this is a kind of understanding where you don’t put a woman on a pedestal as being perfect, but are also not harsh or disrespectful either. You stand up for yourself if she crosses a boundary or is disrespectful of you or your time. However you also understand that how she acts toward men can vary greatly depending on where she is at in life and in response to who you are being. Sometimes the nice girl is really just looking to hook up, when she is with a guy who “gets” her.

5) Develop your ability to communicate and lead emotionally. Then starts with your ability to
control your emotional state and deliberately change it when you want to. You go first, capture and lead her emotions. Both women and men are experience chasers, however women are often more open to being aware of this and acknowledging it. However when you evoke the emotional experience of excitement, emotional connection and desire for yourself first, you have the ability to lead her there too.

This ties into accepting sexuality and accepting yourself as worthy of affection and intimacy. Confident self acceptance of yourself and your desires forms the foundation for communication that captures her imagination. You can lead through your stories and your ability to share who you are as a person.

So there are a couple quick thoughts about how to be irresistibly attractive. There is much discussion on the Attraction Vault forum that touches upon these topics and it is also covered in my Become That Guy book, seminars and coaching.

-Quickkill

The last couple months have involved some fantastic events and guest speakers who have come to DC in order to present directly for you. We have met a number of new members recently who have come out to take part in our talks and outings, many quality friendships have been forged. We urge you all to continue coming out to our community events and post a quick introduction of yourself on the Attraction Vault Forums, if you haven’t already done so. The greatest aspect to our community and what separates us from many is that we are first and foremost a community of men and women who actually meet in person. Our community is far more than what you see online. We believe that through forming a community with open and honest discussions about self-improvement, we can work in support of our members defining, creating, and living their own improved social lifestyle that enables overarching success in life. In addition this brings great value to you as members because it enables people to individually and collectively work towards forming a better life with the personal connections formed within as well as directly as a result of the events held by our Officers and Field Leaders.

This month a number of us are going to be at the PUA Summit out in LA. The Summit will feature Michael Hurst (Quickkill) and Brother James who are being highlighted as guest speakers on the panel and are both up for the New Blood nomination. They have both been directly involved in the Attraction Vaults leadership over the years and have demonstrated great interest and skill in helping men improve their social lifestyle. We would all appreciate your showing of support for them while they are out in LA.

Place Your PUA World Summit Awards 2010 Vote

We all originally joined this community with different driving motivations; I would really be interested to discover what your reasons specifically were and what you hoped to gain from joining. I encourage anyone to reach out to me through the forum with your ideas and suggestions for how we can serve your interests better.

We’re learning to present ourselves as attractive and desirable men.

Maybe you’ve learned some incredible skills and can build attraction out of thin air.  If that attractive person that you’ve learned to project is merely a facade, then the attraction isn’t real.  And when she finds out it isn’t real, the attraction will be gone, and for good reason.  What you’ve been projecting is not genuine.

The way to avoid this is to think big picture.  Have a life that isn’t entirely about pickup (I’ll write more about the distinction between the “pickup you” and the “non-pickup you” in the future; the answer is not what you might think).  Have friends, hobbies, a career.  Have girls in your life that are strictly platonic.  Have something in your life that you’re passionate about.  You don’t have to have every aspect of your life together at the moment, but you need to have a vision for your life and display the qualities necessary to make it believable you’ll be able to achieve that vision.

And do these things not just so you’ll have a lifestyle that’s attractive to women, but so that you’ll be a more complete, more rewarded, more fulfilled person.  The fact that this will bring more women into your life will be a bonus.  Regardless of the type of relationship you want to have, women want to know that the man they’re with is of high value.  Yes, that means even if they’re not interested in a long term relationship, they still want to know they’re with someone who’s worthwhile, genuine, and has their life together.  I’m not speaking theoretically. I’ve talked to enough women to know this is true.  I’ve talked with a number of girls who have walked out on “just sex” arrangements with guys because the guy didn’t have his life together.

How do you know if you’re thinking big picture?  Ask yourself this question.  Can you talk for hours with other PUAs about pickup, but find you run out of things to say in set?  If the answer is yes, then you’re not thinking big picture.  You don’t need more material, you don’t need to work on your “conversation game.”  You need to develop the kind of life that will enrich you with experiences that you can draw upon.  If you genuinely are an interesting and attractive person, then all you’ll need to learn is how to convey that.  And that will make your game much more solid.

~ Magellan

Many of our members found us after reading books like “The Game” by Neil Strauss, a story of a writer who became a rising star and “pickup artist.” The Game documents Neil Strauss’ experience in the seductive and mysterious world of the pickup artist (“PUA”) community. Other members searched for a local “lair” or “forum” where they could find wingmen to go out with and improve their dating and social lives and found us.   However, the Attraction Vault is about more than just “picking up” women.  The Attraction Vault is a community established to help individuals grow as people. 

Who We Are

We are an all volunteer group of primarily men, and some helpful, supportive women mostly in Washington, DC, Baltimore and Miami metropolitan areas who work together to help one another improve our dating and social lives. Members of the Attraction Vault range from working professionals with extensive experience in dating, to young men with little experience in dating and socializing with women. Members also include divorced men in their 30s and 40s that just want to get back into the dating game and single men who are already happy with their dating life, but are seeking constant improvement in their relationships. 

What We Do

Members provide advice and support to each other through a private online discussion forum. The forum posts focus on topics that help individuals develop the dating and social skills required to initiate, enhance and manage relationships. We also facilitate events where men meet in person and collaborate to socialize and meet other wingmen and wingwomen,  go out during the day and get involved in events where they can initiate conversations and establish relationships with women, and/or go out and enjoy the socialthe nightlife in Washington, DC and Miami.

We also host educational events in Washington, DC,  Baltimore and Miami. We host these events through coordinating with local Dating Coaches and Nationally known Speakers.  Our list of speakers has included Brad P, DJ Fuji, Nick Quick, Vince Kelvin, Psych, Adam Lyons, Badboy, James Marshall, Speer, QuickKill, Brother James, Cuisine and many more. In addition, we have a forum where members review pickup artist products and dating services.

Join Us!

Wherever you are at in your life with women, there is a place for you here. Sign up for free to join the Attraction Vault and participate in our daily discussions and forums.