One mistake I have seen many men make as they become more confident in their ability to attract women is that they get in the way of their own possible success. They appear to have a strong interaction going with a woman, but then they end the conversation prematurely by getting a phone number and then excusing themselves. I’m not referring to logistics getting in the way, i.e. she’s leaving to go somewhere else with her friends or you are leaving, this is where a guy and the woman he is talking to are staying in the same venue. There are many reasons that a guy would do this. However here are a few scenarios that drive me absolutely crazy:

1) The conversation hits a lull, and you don’t know where to go next. Perhaps you feel nervous and want to “quit while you are ahead.” It is ok to feel a little nervous if you think you have run out of things to say and it is important to acknowledge the progress you are making in your ability to attract women. Remember that you can always take a quick break, get back to her a little later and re-open. This is also a chance to become genuinely curious about her and get her talking about something meaningful to her. Also have you found out what her logistics are, i.e. are her friends relying on her to get home? While things can get hectic in a bar, getting a phone number before either one of you is leaving can put an unnecessary punctuation mark on the interaction. If you do want to make sure you have her number in case you two get separated, then say something like “by the way before I forget let me get your number,” while making it clear that getting a phone number does not need to be the end of the conversation.

2) You are trying to play it “safe” because you are happy to have had a good conversation, however you assume that she won’t go home with you tonight or if you keep talking you will somehow “lose” what you’ve got. This mindset also creates many problems. What do you want out of your interaction with her? A person who likes you that you did not offend or are you looking to see if she is qualified to be a sexual partner and possibly more with you? What if she was ready to go home with you that night, but you got in the way of it because YOU thought it couldn’t happen.

Another important thing to remember is that just because you had a good, although relatively brief conversation with her, getting a phone number from her is not necessarily a big milestone in itself. Sometimes women will give phone numbers to guys they are not that interested in as a way to end a conversation, especially if they are still in the same venue. Also if she meets another guy who she also hits it off with, she might go home with him, or at a minimum, she might barely remember the conversation she had with you when you do get around to calling her.

Another concept that I think is very important in any area of life, especially in your communication with women, is momentum. If things are going well, it is usually easier to keep things moving rather than stop and restart. If you call her and meet up with her again, your interaction with her has been interrupted and you do have to rebuild some of the emotional states and rapport that you have established before. But what if you could have just kept talking to her and gone home with her the first night you met. Now, this advice is not meant to be universal, sometimes you do need to stop because of logistics or circumstances, maybe she came with friends and does need to get back to talking to them and will drive them home. However being resourceful and focused on your end goal will keep you on track if you want to keep it going.

Another important concept is to be determined to do what works. I don’t mean this in a way in which you are compromising your values or doing anything deceitful. Rather I mean do things that are getting results rather than doing what you are familiar or comfortable with. Changing the way in which you communicate with women won’t always be easy or feel comfortable at first, but if you are committed to expanding your comfort zone then you always have a chance of getting breakthrough results that go beyond what you ever could have imagined was possible.

Quickkill