If you haven’t noticed, there is a ton of contradictory advice floating around the internet and pick-up forums. Aspiring PUAs have to know what advice to take and what not to take. One of the things that separates the guys that get good from the guys that never get good is the way they take advice. In fact, I believe the level of a person’s development can be gauged directly by how they take advice. Taking and using advice is more like an art than a science.
The wrong way to take advice
Many people – and we’re talking about PUAs here – do this when they take advice. They read a new article about how to do something – a new technique, opener, etc. Then they get really excited about it and run to the mall or bar to try it out. Then guess what? It doesn’t work. They get discouraged and give up on that tactic, and wait until a better one comes along. They keep looking for the one trick or system that will get them to the next level. It is a never ending futile quest.
The slightly better, but still wrong, way to take advice
Other people take a different approach. They hear some advice, typically in their vulnerable early stages in the game, and it rings true in their ears. This advice just seems like it has to be right. So they become avid followers of the particular system. They read all the material and go out and try all the tactics. The tactics don’t work, but they still follow the system religiously. Try to tell them the system has flaws and they get personally offended.
The reason this approach is better than the first one is that at least there is consistency and the student picks up and retains valuable experience along the way.
The Right Way to Take Advice
You might say how someone takes advice is the difference between getting good and not getting good. It’s as much about how NOT to take advice as anything.
The right way to take advice has several features so I’ll break it down into sections:
- Experiment Mindset
The most important aspect is the Experiment Mindset. This is the mindset that a PUA says to himself: I will try this system or method with 100% faith for a set duration of time, and during that time I will not allow myself to question its validity. Most importantly, the PUA can’t expect immediate results. Because it is an experiment, the student is most interested in learning and gaining experience. A set duration of time might be 2-4 weeks. If in 2-4 weeks of active sarging the PUA decides that Mystery Method doesn’t sit well with him, he can move on to a more direct style of game. But, during that period, he only does Mystery Method.
The Experiment Mindset phase should last a while – 1 to 3 years – before someone can expect to start seeing results.
- Action Oriented
Similar to the Experiment Mindset concept, someone starting out should get into the habit of being Action Oriented. Theory means absolutely nothing without a frame of reference. Action Orientation leads you to go out into the field and just do it. This isn’t just a vague call to action. The prime principle of Action Orientation is extreme:
Whenever faced with a decision to do something or not do something, ALWAYS do it.
And, especially do it if it makes you uncomfortable. This means if your Aunt sets you up on a date with a 63 year old woman, do it. If your friend invites you to a party where you will be the only person of your race, do it. If you are at a Karaoke bar and you are egged on, do it. This mindset will give you unshakable confidence if you follow it to the end. Life will become a thrill, and you will have a ton of cool shit to talk about.
-Contradictory Advice
The only way to defend yourself from schizophrenia after reading contradictory advice throughout the community is to get experience. When you have a frame of reference, it is easy to tell what advice is complete B.S. and what is real. Some advice is good for some people and bad for others. The only way to know for sure is to get out there and learn on your own two feet.
For instance, there are some people on this forum who claim that style and fashion don’t matter and others that do. This is a debate where there is probably truth on both sides. It might be true that style alone won’t get you laid if you have terrible game. However, it may also be true that with solid game, fashion can bump you from a 20% closing rate to a 40% closing rate over night. It’s hard to know something like that when you are just starting out, so you have to be careful not to just trust the words people say.
-Keyboard Jockeys
This is important: people need to be very careful who they take advice from. You wouldn’t go on an internet law forum and get legal advice from some random person on the internet if you are facing a $100,000 law suit. Why would you take advice from some random guy you haven’t met when it comes to your dating and sex life? Your sex life is probably as important to you as your financial life, if not more so. There are too many guys who, to gratify their egos or whatever reason, give out advice when they really aren’t good themselves.
- Self Judgment
This might be the real meat of why some guys fail and other guys succeed. It has to do with how they judge themselves while during the Experiment Phase. The key is to not judge yourself while learning. The PUA doesn’t want judge the results he is getting since it is an experiment. He also doesn’t want to judge the person doing the experimenting, himself. It is an experiment with new territory, and it takes time to get good. Setting reasonable expectation of oneself is a good way to stave off self-judgment. A reasonable expectation might be: “I expect to be good in 1 – 3 years if I continue to make small improvements every day.” Until then, there’s no reason to beat oneself up. If after 1-3 years you’re still not succeeding, then it is time to take a hard look in the mirror and figure it out.
-Corleone
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