I was thinking to myself today regarding what really needs to happen for someone to get good at dating.  What do you think it is?

When you go out and get the same results is it your fault or theirs?

Take, for example, my friend ‘Mary,’ she goes out all of the time and complains that no one approaches her.  She can’t understand why.   Given Mary is a rather attractive woman and has a lot going for her.  Guys should be falling over her, but they are not.

I’ve gone out with her, and know exactly why she doesn’t get approached.  She’ll go sit down in the farthest corner in a booth where no one can see her.   When she walks around, her head is down, arms are crossed and gives off the vibe that she can’t be dealt with.

What guy is going to approach her?  Her body language shows ‘I’m closed off.’  She hides in the corner of the bar.  She goes to the same locations and never changes.

Too many guys do this too.

These bad habits are limiting their success.

If something isn’t working, change it!

STOP doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result!

First, address what are your habits:  notice where you go, where you stand/sit in a location, what does your body language show, are you smiling, do you give opportunities to approach/be approached?

Now, that you have a list of what you do and how you go about meeting people, Start Changing it!

If you go to the same bar, club, grocery store, book store, etc., change it to another location.  Go to a museum.  Join a soccer team.  Just stop doing the same thing!

Instead of standing in the corner of the room, stand in the middle.  There’s more traffic and people can get to you with ease.

If you want to get good at dating, you’re going to have to focus on dating.  Take inventory of what you do and how you do it.  Start making changes.

Give complements to complete strangers!   Just go out and do it!

One of the quickest and most effective way to do this is have a dating coach that can help you through your metamorphosis.   They should easily be able to see your patterns and show you what you’re doing wrong.  A well trained coach can remove months of frustration and boost you to the next level of dating.

Nothing happens without action.  This is worth saying twice.  Nothing happens without action.

Go out and make it happen.   Start changing and start your journey.

~Brother James

The wrong way to take advice

Many people – and we’re talking about PUAs here – do this when they take advice. They read a new article about how to do something – a new technique, opener, etc. Then they get really excited about it and run to the mall or bar to try it out. Then guess what? It doesn’t work. They get discouraged and give up on that tactic, and wait until a better one comes along. They keep looking for the one trick or system that will get them to the next level. It is a never ending futile quest.

The slightly better, but still wrong, way to take advice

Other people take a different approach. They hear some advice, typically in their vulnerable early stages in the game, and it rings true in their ears. This advice just seems like it has to be right. So they become avid followers of the particular system. They read all the material and go out and try all the tactics. The tactics don’t work, but they still follow the system religiously. Try to tell them the system has flaws and they get personally offended.

 The reason this approach is better than the first one is that at least there is consistency and the student picks up and retains valuable experience along the way.

The Right Way to Take Advice

 You might say how someone takes advice is the difference between getting good and not getting good. It’s as much about how NOT to take advice as anything.

The right way to take advice has several features so I’ll break it down into sections:

- Experiment Mindset

The most important aspect is the Experiment Mindset. This is the mindset that a PUA says to himself: I will try this system or method with 100% faith for a set duration of time, and during that time I will not allow myself to question its validity. Most importantly, the PUA can’t expect immediate results. Because it is an experiment, the student is most interested in learning and gaining experience. A set duration of time might be 2-4 weeks. If in 2-4 weeks of active sarging the PUA decides that Mystery Method doesn’t sit well with him, he can move on to a more direct style of game. But, during that period, he only does Mystery Method.

The Experiment Mindset phase should last a while – 1 to 3 years – before someone can expect to start seeing results.

- Action Oriented

Similar to the Experiment Mindset concept, someone starting out should get into the habit of being Action Oriented. Theory means absolutely nothing without a frame of reference. Action Orientation leads you to go out into the field and just do it. This isn’t just a vague call to action. The prime principle of Action Orientation is extreme:

Whenever faced with a decision to do something or not do something, ALWAYS do it.

And, especially do it if it makes you uncomfortable. This means if your Aunt sets you up on a date with a 63 year old woman, do it. If your friend invites you to a party where you will be the only person of your race, do it. If you are at a Karaoke bar and you are egged on, do it. This mindset will give you unshakable confidence if you follow it to the end. Life will become a thrill, and you will have a ton of cool shit to talk about.

-Contradictory Advice

The only way to defend yourself from schizophrenia after reading contradictory advice throughout the community is to get experience. When you have a frame of reference, it is easy to tell what advice is complete B.S. and what is real. Some advice is good for some people and bad for others. The only way to know for sure is to get out there and learn on your own two feet.

For instance, there are some people on this forum who claim that style and fashion don’t matter and others that do. This is a debate where there is probably truth on both sides. It might be true that style alone won’t get you laid if you have terrible game. However, it may also be true that with solid game, fashion can bump you from a 20% closing rate to a 40% closing rate over night. It’s hard to know something like that when you are just starting out, so you have to be careful not to just trust the words people say.

-Keyboard Jockeys

This is important: people need to be very careful who they take advice from. You wouldn’t go on an internet law forum and get legal advice from some random person on the internet if you are facing a $100,000 law suit. Why would you take advice from some random guy you haven’t met when it comes to your dating and sex life? Your sex life is probably as important to you as your financial life, if not more so. There are too many guys who, to gratify their egos or whatever reason, give out advice when they really aren’t good themselves.

- Self Judgment

This might be the real meat of why some guys fail and other guys succeed. It has to do with how they judge themselves while during the Experiment Phase. The key is to not judge yourself while learning. The PUA doesn’t want judge the results he is getting since it is an experiment. He also doesn’t want to judge the person doing the experimenting, himself. It is an experiment with new territory, and it takes time to get good. Setting reasonable expectation of oneself is a good way to stave off self-judgment. A reasonable expectation might be: “I expect to be good in 1 – 3 years if I continue to make small improvements every day.” Until then, there’s no reason to beat oneself up. If after 1-3 years you’re still not succeeding, then it is time to take a hard look in the mirror and figure it out.

-Corleone

Let’s take the top ten excuses for not approaching women off the table, right here, right now, and vow never, ever to utter these words again. 

 #10 I can’t hear too well in loud venues like ____.

Irrelevant.  I can’t hear a damn thing either!  I can assure this one has never kept me from going to a party, or checking out a new club or bar.  There are people that are paid to design entertaining environments for you and your friends for a bit of time, to lose some of your inhibitions and have some fun.  This excuse is rarely truly too loud, and more about the fear of the unknown.  

#9 She looks like _____.

This one usually comes with an endless litany of inappropriate trailing comments.  Just because she looks a certain way, doesn’t mean that she is that way.  And there is only one way to find out and that is if you walk up and say hello.   

#8 I’m waiting until I _____.

Finish my degree?  Get that raise?  Buy that car?  Find myself?  Stop waiting.  This is not about an endpoint, a task, or a milestone, this about a process called enjoying life as you live it.  When are you going to do something about it?  If the answer to that is anything other than right now, I don’t want to hear it.

#7 This isn’t my scene.

Sure, not all scenes are created equal.  But here we are, so now what?  The fact is, most people don’t ever really feel in their comfort zone 100% of the time.  And that’s a great thing.  If we all only did what was 100% comfortable, we would all probably die of boredom. 

The secret to all success is very simple, get comfortable being uncomfortable.

#6 I need my _____.

This one is related to #8 and even more painful to hear.  This usually comes from a “prepared” guy with the exception that whatever it is that he needs, he apparently forgot to bring it with him this time.  It could be his list of routines, his book on NLP weasel phrases, or some kind lucky charm.  It could be that he forgot to get a haircut or his amazing natural wingman is out of town.   Whatever it is the problem starts and ends with “I need.”

Stop needing things and you’ll learn to live more freely.

 #5 I’m not in a good state.

Emotions drive us all, but as a man it means that you have the innate (and largely maligned) skill of being able acutely… ignore them.  At least until a more suitable time to curl up your favorite issue of Oprah. 

Buck up and get your game face on.  Whatever you do just remember one thing, no one wants to hear you complain, especially in the form of an excuse.

#4 I’m tired.

What did I say about #5? 

Sure, sometimes we need rest and rejuvenation, and that’s what bedtime is for.  Not eating right?  Relying on chemicals to get you a boost of energy?  The perhaps what you really need to do is re-evaluate some of those lifestyle choices. 

You need sleep.  You need exercise.  You need a healthy diet.  Probably the only things you’ll ever really need. 

#3 That must be her _____.

Fill in the blank with one of these favorites: boyfriend, husband, father, etc. only problem is, if you’ve never actually asked her, how can you possibly know from just looking them across the bar?   Sure, I guess if she’s making out with the guy I suppose we can rule out her father.  But can you never really know until you ask, “how do you guys know each other?”

#2 She’s not attractive enough, not really my type.

You mean the Megan Fox look-a-like?  Yeah buddy, and I still believe in Santa.  This is one of the most overused excuses.  Sure, I’ll give you a free pass the first time.  But if you keep pointing out all the ones that aren’t your type, at some point we’ll start to wonder if your type is simply not the opposite sex.

#1 I can’t think of anything to say.

This is the most common excuse I hear above all the rest.  And this is the excuse totally based on nothing more than pure fear.  You in fact can think of all kinds of things to say and it doesn’t even matter what you say when it’s all about how you say it that matters far, far more.

Fortunately this is the easiest of all the excuses to overcome.  The trick is to know that it’s ok to be afraid.  Believe it or not, it’s actually better when you are.  That’s what makes it a challenge.  That’s what makes it a worthwhile effort.   And guess what, everyone is also a little afraid, including the Megan Fox look-a-like.  So let’s just agree that we are all a little afraid and the only question that really matters is…

…what are you going to do about it?

-Deline

1. Be specific

Write down goals in specific detail so you can clearly see what you plan to attain and how to achieve it. State exactly what you want and how you plan to get the results you seek, such as who can help and what training you may require.

a. What? What do you want to accomplish (short & long term)?
b. Where? Identify locations & venues you will do the activities at. 
c. When? Establish time frames for short & long term goals. What is your target date?
d. Who? Who can help you reach your goals? Do you seek mentorship, expert advice, or wings to help you in field?

2. Measureable

Establish metrics to track your progress. Keep a documented record of your successful steps toward your goals.

a. How many? Do you have a goal of approaching a certain amount of women per day/night/week/month/year?
b. How long? Do you have a goal of spending a specific amount of time meeting women?

3. Tracking

Tracking your successes can help encourage you to keep going and give you solid feedback on our efforts and whether something is working or not. The best strategy for sticking to goals is to keep track of your progress on a daily basis by writing it down every day. This very act of writing down activities/steps taken has been shown to improve results and to encourage consistency. It allows you to learn moree about your habits, stay accountable to yourself, and keep track of any progress or slips.

A good record includes the following:

a. Type of activities.
b. How long you spent performing those activities.
c. Intensity of the effort. Did you push your own boundaries or did you play it safe?
d. Comments about any difficulties to help you in problem solving for the future.

4. Practicality

Are the goals reasonable and achievable in the time allotted?

5. Staying on track

Maintaining progress is one of the hardest challenges when trying to make changes to your life, whether it be changing a habit, fitness, or improving your communication skills. Getting started can be diffidcult, but staying committed is even harder. The key to successfully navigating obstacles to maintaing your progress is to acknowledge slips will happen despite your best efforts to plan for them. The key is to build consistencies and a regular schedule and to get back on that horse as soon as you get thrown off. There are several things you can do to help stay on target:

a. Keep it meaningful! Continue to remind yourself of the personal benefits you’ll get when you achieve your goals. Setting and keeping meaningful goals that are realistic and attainable will increase the likeliness of success. You are much more likely to strive towards a goal you care about and feel close to accomplishing.

b. Reward yourself! Rewards increase the likelihood that you will do it again. When you reach a metric give yourself a reward. Create rewards for both short-term and long-term goals.

c. The earlier you catch slips the better. If caught early a slip does NOT have to signal an inevitable downward spiral. Again, slips are inevitable and accepting that and moving on when they happen is the best course of action. The most important thing to do when slips occur is to not let it turn into a string of slips or affect your new habits and collapse your changes in behavior you’ve been working towards.

d. Have a plan for dealing with slip ups.

-Nutz

It is true, but not necessarily true that confidence comes from past experience. Past experiences provide evidence and imagery to guide your mind, but they are not necessary per se. Almost everyone who is now very successful at something was once not successful. In fact many of these people who are successful keep trying new things and often hit set backs along the way.

How do you start the process so that you have the past successes that you can use to build upon present success? Basically you have to believe you are capable and deserve to be successful FIRST in order to become a success. You have to think “you’re the shit” at an emotional level in order to become the shit! This is true even before you have any external validation from other people or tangible results that you are in fact successful.

1. Confidence = Success

2. Anything vividly visualized or repeatedly in a strong enough way in side your mind to where it becomes a belief is indistinguishable from what has actually happened when it comes to guiding your subconscious mind.

For that I have two quick examples to illustrate this principle.

In college my friend Chad was a total natural with women, yet he was the same height, body build and similar in looks to myself. I wondered what made his results so different from mine. His attitude and frame of mind was very powerful. When he walked into a room he identified several women to me in the room that wanted to have sex with him. I asked him how he knew. He said he knew because of how they responded to the way he looked at them which was a result of his confidence.

In a great bit of circular reasoning he said women “respond to me positively because I’m confident, I’m confident because women respond positively to me.” I asked, how do you first be confident to get the cycle going. His response: If I’m not feeling it at first I fake it until I make it and get responses as if I were already confident and then I just keep going from there. I fake like I’m confident, so women respond to me as if I’m confident, then I’m confident because women are responding to me like I’m confident.

A second example comes from handwriting analysis, also known as graphology, where a person’s personality is a great tool for creating a snap shot of a person’s personality based on a combination of traits at the time of writing.

One of the biggest characteristics of success is ego strength, measured on the size of the capital letters in a person’s signature and also the overall size of their signature compared to the rest of the their handwriting. Note, ego strength as defined in handwriting analysis is not necessarily vanity or “egotism” in this definition, nor is it internal self-deservedness, it is a measure of your perception of how powerful you are in the world and with other people.

It turns out that pro-athletes and rock stars almost always have a very big ego. I know what a big surprise! However in almost all cases the star athlete or rocker had the big ego first, years before he became famous. In other words he already thought he was a big deal long before he had made it big and gotten all of the external recognition.

In other words, for us to become anything, we have to first act, speak and believe we are going to be successful before we really actually have the evidence that we have achieved it. We have to believe that we’re worth a lot of money when we’re not making a lot of money. We have to believe that we’re champion athletes when we’re not yet champion athletes. We have to believe that we are desirable to women, even when women are not yet throwing themselves at us. When we’re still working and developing our skills to attract the women, we have to see and believe our future success as if it is already an indisputable reality. In a word BELIEVE and succeed.

-Quickkill

For a while now I’ve been working on finding the essential elements that you must include in an online profile. After reading hundreds of books on psychology, philosophy and attraction, I’ve come up with these six fundamentals. I strongly believe they need to be conveyed properly if you’re going to get a date. You should be able to look at your profile and see if they’re there. They’re in no particular order.

1.Mystery/Mystique

A woman who reads your profile will have to have a STRONG desire to know more about you. That means you’ll have to convey enough to get her interested, but not so much that she can guess who you are. It’s a delicate balance and maybe the most difficult to do well. If she opens you by asking questions, you know you’ve done it right.

2.Confidence

A good amount of guys online don’t have much confidence with dating. Their lack of ‘dating confidence’ actually shows in their profiles. If you can prove that you’re not one of these guys, you’ll go far. Voicing assertive, strong opinions is one way of conveying confidence. Also, the way you write – in an active, rather than passive, voice, will usually show that you have confidence in yourself.

3.Prizability

You have to set yourself up as the prize if you want to get dates. You need to be seen as attractive to other women – this can be done by using social proof, and by being selective. To date you, she needs to feel like she’s getting the better end of the deal and her friends will be envious.

4.Show that you have something to offer

Without qualifying yourself, you need to convince women that you bring something to the table. Your wit, charm, and personality can do this for you if you have a killer profile. Convey your natural qualities well and women will automatically ASSUME you’re high status.

5.Have a life/ambition/goals

You need to at least show that you have a direction for your life, even if you’re not financially successful at present. Listing your salary won’t cut it. If it’s high, you’ll always wonder if she’s a gold digger. If it’s low, then it’s just bad advertising. You don’t want to advertise your current salary if you can advertise your potential salary well. It’s better to sell your ambition than your salary or your job.

Come up with a way to package and sell your job so it sounds COOL and INTERESTING. Note – if you work 60-70+ hours per week, do not consider this a selling point. She’ll think you’ll never have time for her.

6.Commonalities/rapport

The trick is to show commonalities with women, so they’ll WANT to feel a bond with you. You don’t want to appear as though you’re seeking rapport, by saying things most guys say. Also you have to avoid clichés.

This is where you need to be unique. Say about 5 distinctive things you like. If she bonds with one of them, it will be a much deeper bond than if she bonded with several clichés. Often, the opener she uses will be something like, “Well, wouldn’t you know, I also love to play monopoly!”

So, I think these are then main traits that get women wanting to meet you. If you have any other ideas, I’m happy to hear about them. Send me pm at the Attraction Vault.

- Corleone

It’s hard to lead if you don’t know where you’re going. Yes, it’s very important to be micro-focused and in the moment, but always be aware of the big picture before the night slips away. So if you need to move her from the venue to your place, seed the ASD in advance. And if at all possible, have her meet at your place first with minimal kino and drinks to establish comfort/familiarity, making it far easier to pull her later in the evening. If already at your place, know how you’re going to fractionate and escalate. Perhaps you’ll start off by exciting her w/a game of pool. Kino escalate w/some dancing. Then cuddle together w/a movie, under a blanket, and maybe on the floor or bed. From there, it’s usually very “on”. Add a sensual massage, if needed. Figure out your best closing move and build toward it during the course of the evening. BUT constantly calibrate and always be ready to change direction on the fly.

Hopefully you’re working multiple targets, so get a monthly calendar and start slotting them in. Momentum is critical, and you should try keeping each girl in play every 3-4 days. Some take longer to warm up than others. So understand that one strategy doesn’t fit all. And customize accordingly. Put it all in pencil with plans B and C at the ready in case of flakeage. If a google calendar or something similar works better for you, then use that instead. But make this a daily tool in your PUA kit. Although I’m guilty of not following up as often as I should, you can add reminders for which targets need prodding and when. That will help keep any from falling through the cracks while preventing you from pinging them more often than you’ve realized.

Again, calibrate your approach by target. Some chicks are SNL material. Others take more time. And sometimes you’ll misread them altogether. So flexibility is crucial. For the most part, anticipate in advance how many steps (i.e. dates or meetings) it’s going to take for the f-close, specific to each woman. I’ve never given much weight to the whole “7 hrs. rule”. Some need more and others need much less. Making an analogy to golf, a hole in one is rare. So you drive for the green and anything else is a bonus. Having achievable expectations and goals leads to much less frustration.

Most important of all, just enjoy your time together since that’s the entire point to all of this. But know in advance that one chick may be closeable with three steps, another one could take four and perhaps as many as five or six for another. Always be mindful of your time, and if a particular woman doesn’t seem like a worthwhile return on investment, know when to cut and run. Based on this kind of analysis, you can set the types of dates accordingly, realizing that a lot more comfort may be needed prior to the pull with one target vs. another. Accelerate as necessary, based on real-time feedback, but start with a plan. For some, dinner and a movie at your place or hers can be done on the D1 or D2. In other cases, you should save it for later, bringing her along more slowly.

Likewise, know your escalation goals ahead of time. With some, an SNL is realistically attainable a lot earlier than with others. So tie-in what you hope to achieve escalation-wise with your selection of venue and activity. Don’t forget these are minimal goals, so if it’s moving faster than expected, just calibrate and go. And when you do close her, be unselfish, take your time and make it memorable. That’s a whole different topic for a whole different post, but give her multiples, make her addicted to you, and she will stick around.

-KidMidas

For example at one of our recent events I was asked why I was I making an effort to talk to men as well as women. The guy was talking to was there with there with his sister in law and two other attractive women. We were all talking and then he pulled me aside and told me that the all of the women were single and I should try to pick them up. Also when I mentioned that I danced salsa he told that his sister in law also danced salsa, which gave me a great lead in to talk to her. Then the same guy brought me together with her and told her to dance with me.

The moral of the story if I only focused on talking to women I would have completely missed out on some seriously great opportunities.

Are you using a woman’s looks to support your Ego

Another aspect of the “standards” concept is that some men are looking for the presence of hot women to add to their feelings of self worth and their image in other people’s eyes. The hidden trap is that you are associating her good looks as an indicator that she is a better judge of your value as a person. Who she is as a person is NOT based on her looks. She can be totally gorgeous on the outside, but have terrible taste in men. On the flip side, a woman that may not entirely catch your eye at first, may turn out to be a really cool chick. Maybe her lack of catching your eye at first is because she didn’t spend 6 hours trying to look pretty, but she cleans up well.

A woman is a complete person

This leads me to my next point, sometimes you really end up liking someone that you wouldn’t have thought was your type, once you get to know her. Have you ever started talking to a woman before and the more you talked to her, the more you started to notice the attractive qualities about her. Maybe she even started to appear more physically attractive as you began to notice the other attractive qualities about her as a person. However if you only talked to women that you thought were your type you might have missed out on some women that you would have had great experiences with.

Stay tuned for part 2 next month for more on this.

- CrazyMike

The principles are all the same. 

We live in a world full of choices.   Too many choices and never enough time to scrutinize them all.  Our choices, whether this product or that service, this friend or another, this mate or that one, we all are searching or hoping to make the right choice at the right time. 

Unfortunately, there is never enough time to meet them all.  A world with overwhelming options, our number one choice we (men and women) all make is to simply judge quickly, and ignore those that don’t match our initial impressions. 

Women (especially very attractive women) will always have number of choices.  To sit around and wait for the right one at the right time to talk to is simply to expect nothing to happen.  Why should she talk to you?  You’re just sitting there, ruminating over your drink, watching the game, maybe complaining to your friends about work or arguing over who’s right about something irrelevant.  Guess what?  That’s what every other guy, in every bar in the world does.  There’s nothing remotely interesting or intriguing about that.

Sorry fellas, but that’s how it is.

In a sea of options, what are you going to bring to the table?  The resume doesn’t count, no one reads those in a bar.  Do you have an expensive car?   Good for you, that’s quite a status symbol but it’s sitting in an overpriced parking lot, how’s that going to get her attention?  

“You can’t judge a book by it’s cover, Deline.”  No, of course you can’t, but no one can judge something they didn’t even notice to begin with.  Most of the time, no one is judging us, because most of the time, no one is paying attention.

The single most attractive thing you can do to standout in a sea of guys that don’t get it is to walk over and say, “Hi, my name is…”  because THAT doesn’t happen as often as you think it does. 

That’s taking action.

Deline

 You are valuable, worthy and desirable

 A key first step to having empowering interactions with women is building the right states of mind and beliefs about yourself.  The core underlying belief must be this: you are desirable and women want to be with you.  This does not mean you are better than the woman you desire by comparison. This does not mean that you there is not room for you to continue to grow and develop as a person to become your best self. Nor does it mean that you shouldn’t admit when you are in the wrong.  Nor does it mean you are entitled.  It is about confidence and certainty in your value as a person. This belief sets you up to become a happy, confident person.

 Don’t Care too much what any one person says.

Another way of stating this is to by unaffected or under-affected.    Simply that you don’t care too much about being accepted or rejected by a person, at least not until you have known them long enough for them to become a really important person in your life.  Part of being unaffected is your ability to have a solid self image and confidence independent of what others think.  This way you will not be overly reactive or affected by anything that she does.  Don’t attach excess meaning to what a woman says or does in terms of being accepted or rejected.  Not every woman is going to desire you or accept your advance. This could have nothing to do with you. She may just be having a bad day, or is just not one for you. Either way, there is no rejection. Her missed opportunity is no reflection on you. You can’t win them all and that’s ok. 

 If you have been seeing each other in a relationship, know that much of what people do and say is based on their emotional frame of mind at the time which might be based on factors other than you.  People in general and women in particular have moods and emotions to express and sometimes the best way to handle it is to listen, not respond too much with your own emotions and then wait until tomorrow when moods and circumstances may have changed.  

Take the lead – Know what you want and go for it

Another principle is that you don’t overcome another person’s uncertainty if you are uncertain yourself.  Confidence and self-assurance can help lead you in the direction you want her to go. This is a good general principle of human behavior; people tend to follow a strong, confident lead.  She might not know if she is interested in being with you at first, however over time she becomes more and more interested in you by virtue of your confidence that being with you is the best possible outcome for her.  

Beliefs as positions to approach a situation

Another important understanding is that beliefs are useful positions to come from. They do not necessarily have to be accurate based on physical reality. For example if you have the belief that being with you is the best possible thing that could happen to a woman.  It’s not necessarily true, but the belief will help you have more fun and get better results than if you did not have the belief. Beliefs like this tend to be a self-fulfilling prophesy. Even if a woman was initially indifferent or cool, she will often accept and warm to my presence within a few minutes of being around your relaxed confidence.  As you hold this belief in your mind it will guide your words and actions so that you won’t have to think about what to do or say, it will simply be an expression of your attitude.

Your emotional state – What you resist persists.

What you accept you gain power to use. Think of it like martial arts. When faced with an attack from an opponent you move with the punch and redirect the energy from it, instead of taking the full energy of the attack.  When stuck in a negative frame of mind, you also have choices.  You can feel badly about why you are feeling the way that you are at a certain moment, shy, nervous, or non-social OR you can accept that is how you are currently feeling and know that you can change it.  This is also true of your interactions with women.

Perhaps you feel nervous about approaching a woman across the room, that’s ok, and you can change it, or act in spite of your nerves, knowing that with each approach it gets easier. Or maybe your approach did not lead to a long standing conversation. Not all women are going to be attracted to you or respond in just the way that you might like.  If you accept this fact, knowing that you don’t have to win all of the time or even most of the time, you will be coming from a much better place.  There are always other women that will be attracted to you, and as long as you keep this belief in mind you will be coming from a better position to deal with any woman.  In brief, accept the reality of the hand you are dealt in a situation, it may not seem fair or just, but accept reality and respond to it.

 Quickkill